Frequently Asked Questions

We want everyone to be there on the first day by 3pm at the latest so that we may create a group container and set our intentions together. If you cannot arrive until the second day, please reach out to us directly at firelight@exquisite.love and we will consider if that’s possible on a case-by-case basis.

We also hope that you can stay until the afternoon of the last day of the event, but if you need to leave early, you are free and welcome to do so.

Unfortunately pets are not allowed. While registered service animals (not just emotional support) are legally allowed, we strongly advise you to leave them at home if possible.

We are requesting kids stay home. This event will be adult-oriented and there will be some times and spaces which may welcome your sexuality. If you’d like to be the exception to this and have a small child under the age of 5 that you need to bring please reach out directly at firelight@exquisite.love.

• A tent and all the bedding you’ll need for cold night temperatures.
• LED Lights (fairy lights, camping lantern, etc)
• Flashlight/Headlight for walking around at night.
• BRING LAYERS for a variety of climates: Highs in the high 70’s/low 80’s, Lows in the 40’s/50’s at night (see weather forecast above for temperature closer to the date)
• Based on possible weather conditions, it’s recommend you BRING JACKETS and ENOUGH BLANKETS (and perhaps also a beanie for sleep)
• Bathing suit for the reservoir nearby (open to the public so no nudity is allowed)
• Floaties/Inflatables for the reservoir!
• Hiking shoes for an adventure on some beautiful trails
• Fun and Festive attires/costumes/accessories (like for Burning Man, SoulPlay, and other festivals)
• Your favorite mug and water bottle to stay hydrated or for warm drinks (Note: write your name on it using a Sharpie in case we find it in Lost & Found)
• Ear plugs
• Extra snacks in a plastic bin or large tupperware (so critters and animals don’t eat them)
• Toiletries and towel
• A full length mirror (if you like to get dressed up). There are also mirrors in the shared bathrooms close by.
• Yoga mat (if you plan to join yoga classes)
• Safer sex supplies (we will have *some*) for you and anyone you might want to play with at the nightly play-possible events
• Mosquito repellent
• Extra ziplocs and tupperware containers to bring back leftovers from the kitchen at the end if you want
• Camping chair
• Hand fans
• Sunscreen

FireLight is an erotic play-possible and play-positive event primarily for the Consious Play and Temple communities. This means participants can, if they wish to, engage in respectful consensual mindful attuned erotic play in specific designated spaces and times as consenting adults.

All workshops and events there will support best practices and engagements around this.

It's also important to note that most of the participants who attend FireLight will be friends and friends of friends to support a tightly knit community gathering of trusted humans. If you have never been to an event by Philippe, Shams, or any members of the team, you can still attend by RSVP'ing and letting us know why you would be a great addition to the event.

We want our attendees to feel as safe as possible and comfortable attending this gathering. We have created a way for you to make us aware of concern(s) you may have with potential attendees.

We believe confidentiality is important and will only be sharing this report with the organizers involved in the concern report review process, unless in the circumstance where we reach out to the person you are reporting. We will review each report and follow-up appropriately based on the nature of the report and what the reporter has asked for.

You can find the form here.

Thank you for taking the time bring your concerns to us. We will handle this process with care.

Please reach out to firelight@exquisite.love if we can support you in another way.

Refunds will be allowed up to one month before the event with a $100 processing fee, then up to one week before the event with a $200 processing fee. After that there are no refunds. Thank you for working with us on this! You can also transfer your ticket to another person with an approved RSVP at any time by messaging us. Refunds for add-ons can be done by request, minus the initial credit card fees.

We understand financial hardship can be temporary/circumstantial and/or also be due to systemic factors & welcome you to apply due to either or both. We understand reaching out can be vulnerable as well. If you would like to ask for a partial scholarship to join us via email to firelight@exquisite.love.

While it is possible to edit an order, we created an easier way: go to the ticket link (you should have received one when your RSVP was approved), pick the ticket type "Add something else...", pick a donation ($1 is fine, but more is great), then pick any add-ons you want, and then complete your order!

What we are now developing culturally and in sex-positive communities is an understanding of the source and prevalence of trauma, the neurobiology of trauma, how trauma and shame informs cycles of addiction/compulsion as well as cultural power dynamics.

We know that pushing people to their edges and beyond, and encouraging students to go bigger can be re-traumatizing.

We have become aware that just saying the words: ¨we practice consent, or everyone has a safeword¨ does NOT instantly rewire the brain from personal or epigenetic trauma.

Here are some keys to trauma informed teachings that will help orient out facilitators at FireLight 🔥:

1. Understand the dynamics of power and privilege

• When teachers are perceived as an Authority Figure, unconsciously many people will go along with your requests beyond their own limits.

2. Make space for all voices

• This means being aware that people of color, the neurodiverse, people with a variety of orientations, and/or sensitivities also deserve to be included and heard from.
• Inviting these people to speak specifically.
• Making time and space for them. \

3. Have clear processes to support choice over and over. (Just saying everyone has choice is NOT supporting choice)

• Demo an exercise and/or something about what the class will look like
• Have spaces that are 1, 2 or 3
  1= Sacred Witness,
  2= Medium Involvement, stay attuned, go slowly, check in, pause
  3=Deep Intensity, stay attuned, faster paced, higher intensity
• Give a pause or break for people to check in before they choose.
• Have an assistant holding space for any emotional triggers that may arise.
• Have a safe corner for emotional support in each of the class spaces.

4. Critique - Accountability - Repair

• Have clear processes of feedback, complaint, and critique of instructors. As well as plans for restorative justice. (Accountability, restoration and repair.)
• Here's our Challenging Experience Report form and our Feedback Form (when it becomes available)

5. No Sex With Those You Have Power Over

• It is ethically unsound and unsafe for those in a Power Over Dynamic to have sex with those they have power over. That said, here is our Collaborator Engagement Policy for all staff who are in any role beyond participant.

There is so much more nuance. But that is a foundation. There is more to learn about the actual neurobiology of trauma.

(Credit: Francesca Gentille)

Collaborators are: Producers (Philippe & Shams), Coordinators, CARE Team, Performers, Teachers, Artists, Healers/Practitioners, Work Traders, Kitchen team

FireLight 🔥 is a space to explore and learn. It’s a fun and sexy micro-festival where people get to explore the meaning of lovership in its many forms, from flirting, dancing, kissing, leaning, snuggling, sensuality, and sexuality—in both structured (facilitated classes) and unstructured (temples, play parties) play-possible spaces beyond their own private spaces.

As event producers, Philippe & Shams hold a deep value for both agency and consent. Over-reliance on either can lead to harm, confusion, or missed signals. They don’t create rigid rules around how collaborators can engage sensually or sexually with attendees. Instead, they orient towards working with people they trust—people who hold power with care and are committed to moving with integrity because of how their power multiplies their impact.

FireLight 🔥 holds core values, agreements, and guidelines and asks EVERYONE, including collaborators, to reflect on and adopt them (see link below). At FireLight 🔥, we understand consent not as a checklist, but as something that emerges from genuine connection, attunement, care, and consideration. It’s a collaborative process where power (role/status/personal) has the potential to influence outcomes for the better and truly make an engagement be empowering for everyone. This will be the primary goal of all interactions for collaborators. (see this article on the evolution of consent culture as a reference point)

Here is our Collaborator Engagement Policy